Deep Cleaning

I spent my entire weekend deep cleaning.

You know the kind. Fans, windows, carpet cleaning, pulling everything out of every nook and cranny and getting rid of the stuff you haven't used in six months—much less the last five years.

And somewhere in the middle of pulling everything out, I couldn't help but wonder:

Is this what is happening in my heart and mind too?

This is a season of repentance and returning back to God, and as I was digging into all those places that don't normally get touched, I started thinking about the things I've stored away.

Hurts. Memories. Habits. Things I probably don't even realize are there.

And sin.

I'm almost 100% sure there's some of that hiding in places I haven't dealt with too.

It is uncomfortable to confront sin. And sometimes habits are really hard to get rid of—even when we know they aren't honoring to God.

I always wonder why we hold onto things God doesn't want in our lives.

Maybe because they're easier.

Maybe because they're comfortable.

Maybe because they've been there so long that we don't even recognize them anymore.

But ultimately, I don't want anything in my life separating me from the Almighty.

Truthfully, I'm not exactly sure where this writing is supposed to lead. But I do know that I can't continue doing the same things and expect different results.

So what does change look like?

What does turning back to God actually look like for me?

What little things can I do daily that would make a difference?

Part of me always wants to accomplish all the things at one time. If I'm going to clean, apparently, I need to clean the whole house. 😂 And sometimes I approach myself the same way.

But that's truly not going to happen.

God's work in me is a lifetime of work.

There was a lifetime before this moment. Sin entered my life early. I've made choices. I've developed habits. I've experienced hurts. There are things that have to be worked through with humble submission.

And honestly, I'm pretty stubborn and believe things should be done my way. LOL.

Well, here we are again.

Because what about my character? What about my free will? Those things are gifts and part of how God designed me.

But ultimately, I'm not here for Christine.

I'm here to serve the one and only God who designed me for His good and His purpose.

And that's what I want.

Even writing that makes me acknowledge that I don't live my life fully in Him.

But I truly want to.

Maybe My Heart Needs a Deep Cleaning Too

As I've been studying Malachi, something keeps coming back to me.

Malachi uses the imagery of a refiner's fire and a launderer's soap—something being purified and cleaned so it can be used as it was intended.

That's not necessarily a comfortable picture.

Neither is repentance.

There are things we would probably rather leave tucked away in the back of the closet where nobody—including ourselves—has to look at them.

But this season has me thinking a lot about returning.

Not becoming perfect overnight.

Not cleaning everything at once.

Returning.

Turning back toward God again and allowing Him into the places I would rather keep tucked away.

I am a sinner. I have fallen short of the glory of God. I want reconciliation with Him and with others.

So maybe this month, while I'm cleaning out closets and getting rid of things that no longer belong in my home, I need to allow some deep cleaning of my heart and mind too.

I pray that as things come out, I seek repentance.

That repentance produces change.

And that change continually turns me back toward God.

I pray that the things I've been holding onto that He doesn't want in my life don't somehow find their way back into the closet.

And I pray that His goodness and kindness become more evident in me—that I can truly love others as He intends and speak truth into the lives of others with humility and love.

One nook and cranny at a time.

Because apparently, both houses and hearts can accumulate a lot of stuff.